Trans-Actions: My Daily Musings on Bathrooms

Thanks in part to a little poking and a little prodding, i’ve decided to write more about my experience. It must be said that I cannot nor will I ever, speak on behalf of all trans men or trans people out there. It’s simply impossible! While most of us share experiences, I recognize that everyone’s journey is just a little bit different.

That said, for me, as a trans person there are no shortage of anxieties I cope with on a daily basis, many of which stem from the use of bathrooms. Who’d of thunk it? Here are a few thoughts I experience daily…

1. Please don’t let there be anyone else in this bathroom right now
2. Remember not to speak and/or make eye contact with anyone
3. If time permits, stop and wash hands (see: point #1) otherwise sanitize on the go/at desk
4. Someone is now waiting to use the stall you’re in, shit! No really, start taking an actual shit, I don’t care how you have to do it, just DO it! In a pinch, farts will do. The louder the better.
5. Jesus Christ guys use a shit ton of toilet paper
6. Please let there be more than one stall available, seriously
7. Please don’t let the one stall be clogged (see point #5)
8. Also related, please let there be toilet paper
9. Please let there be a door on said stall
10. Hurry. The. Fuck. UP.
11. Oh shit. Someone’s already in the only available stall. I hope they’re fast because I don’t want to stand around attracting attention waiting on them to finish
12. Damn, I hope this person doesn’t “feel my anxious energy” as I stand around waiting
13. Is there a handicapped/gender neutral bathroom anywhere in this building?
14. How about anywhere else on this block?
15. How hydrated am I? How hydrated do I need to be? Is it worth it?
16. Is there a bathroom on a different floor? Do I have access?
17. Should I just hold it until I get home?
18. Can I just hold it until I get home?
19. Am I at an airport? Will it be easier to find an accommodating bathroom or just dash into the first vacant stall of a bathroom which corresponds with my birth gender because it matches my boarding pass?
20. Cross my fingers and hope no one’s coming in or exiting when I do if I chose the latter
21. What’s the bathroom situation like at this party/office/movie theater/comedy venue/space i’m unfamiliar with?
22. I wonder what Pat McCrory’s doing RIGHT now? JK — I hope he falls down a loo and drowns somewhere (JK, kinda).

Pretty interesting, huh?